This morning my Husband and I had an argument. It started out as a conversation, that got a little tense and before we knew it we were arguing. Not necessarily even about the original subject either. That was thrown in there a little, but it was mixed with things brought up from the past, and character flaws brought to attention. The typical argument between 2 people that have been together for a while.
How easy it is to lose your temper. To just let your anger flow easily through you. That's how I used to be. Feeling backed into a corner, like a wild animal ready to what it took to win the fight. But I've learned through the years that is NOT the way to fight. You need to stand up for what you think is right, but do it with love. You need to take your husband's ques as to when you're starting to go too far. When you make him feel backed in a corner, and then back off. You need to step outside of yourself and look at things as clearly as you possibly can. I have always thought and fought with my heart an emotions. Now I try to use my head as well. You need to keep the situation under control. You need to be able to stop and say "I am mad at you right now, but I love you very much".
Today I was done with the argument. Done hashing it out. Over it. So I said "You need to go to work. Have a good day. Love you" and walked away. But it didn't "feel" good. Did I really send him off to work in a loving way? Not really. He probably felt like it was aggressive and fake. I didn't hug him or kiss him goodbye. And I don't want my life to be like that. I want my loved ones to know that no matter what, I will always love them. Even if I'm mad.
So, I opened the front door and went outside, waiting for him to drive past. He looked a little shocked like "what are you doing out here??". I told him that no matter what, he shouldn't go off to work without a proper goodbye. I gave him a kiss and told him I loved him and to have a good day. I could tell he felt more at ease, and a little more settled. Because no matter if we just argued, when it came down to it, we are a team and a good couple and will always love each other. As long as we remember how to fight! Peace!
Awww, this brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing such a personal thing. We've all been exactly where you are. Next time, maybe I'll lay down my sword first and do the right thing.
ReplyDeleteI've been there.. Lord how I have! 'Backed into a corner'.. that's it exactly. My husband's claws come out when I have him there. I remember once being told by a wise person that you should never back anyone into a corner.. you should give them a little room to get out because they'll turn rabid on you. Truer words never spoken, it also means we can show a little grace if we know we have the advantage but back off.
ReplyDeleteIn my case.. I'm usually the one to do exactly what you did. I hate fighting and the separation is too painful. (I also have these paranoid thoughts that if we should part like that and something happens to him, I'll live with the regret for the rest of my life)
You did good! Thanks for sharing.
This was a good thing for me to read. I need to follow this wisdom of yours. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI am going to be a follower now!
Wow - good advice here. Couples will always have their moments...but if we remember in the end to extend peace and love it will help to build a stronger, healthier marriage. Thanks for sharing. BTW, popping over from GMG.
ReplyDeleteWow. This brought tears to my eyes as well. So easy for us to get our feelings hurt and stomp away without stopping to think of our spouse and how it will affect them. That was courageous of you to go back and do the right thing. I know I always feel better when I have the right spirit - even if it wasn't the first reaction. =)
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely agree with you. I have often had that "I don't want to be like that!" thought after an argument, and had to force myself to go do the right thing even when my emotions were all over the place. Thanks for sharing!
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